Elmira, New York Newborn and Maternity Photographer | Featured Local Business | A Servant’s Heart Pregnancy & Parenting

The Value of Your Village

“I'm an old mom, a "seasoned" mom, one who has walked thirty-plus years along the parenting path. Our children are now grown and living outside our four walls and those naps that seemed so unreachable in the past are now a daily occurrence for me. We middle-aged moms fall asleep in a chair because as young women we never got a break. 

Exhaustion has been my friend since my oldest took his first breath of room air. I had heard all of the "sleep when the baby sleeps" preaching, but I had gone to the required two weeks of childbirth classes and read a book or two on parenting and I thought I knew it all. My mother came to stay that first week and I distinctly remember her coming down the stairs at 3:00 am our first night home. I was on the couch, the lights were all blazing in the living room, and my baby was screaming inconsolably. He was not then, nor now, someone interested in sleeping. We were awake every night after that. We would walk in the dark, my baby and I, while my husband snored quietly upstairs and this was long after my mother had gone home to another state. 

I had no idea I needed a village. I would lay our kids down to nap and then the timer was set to get as much done in the house as humanly possible before a child woke up. I was exhausted and I believed that was normal and expected for motherhood. As I grew more and more tired the fatigue turned to anger. I was angry all the time, and a short temper doesn't make for healthy parenting. I didn't know what I needed and I felt like I was constantly failing as a mom. I was going to be the patient one who did crafts with the kids and baked from scratch and that is not the picture that was painted. 

So, let me tell you tired new mamas what an old mama has learned from the past. You need a tribe. You need people who will be mentors,  co-workers, babysitters, encouragers, and listening friends. I want you to look around you. Who do you have that might be one of these things for you? Lean into them, ask for help. If you don't have someone you trust then go find a village. Check out your local area for mother's groups, find a virtual community where you can chat, go to church, take your baby to story time at the library. Do something that puts you in contact with other moms. Build a circle around yourself. In the meantime, nap when the children nap or at the bare minimum find ten minutes that are only for you. Make sure the kids are safe and sit somewhere quiet in the house and take deep breaths, relax, listen to music, write, unwind. Do this for yourself now so that you can look back on motherhood as a time of hard work that was also infused with joy and peace. “No regrets parenting" comes from a place of rest and support not from a state of exhaustion. This is why I offer postpartum doula and mother's helper services. As a postpartum doula I provide in-home daytime care when you bring your new baby home. Just a few hours a day makes a huge difference in your ability to recover! I provide mothercare: making sure the new mom (and her partner) are fed, comfortable, and able to rest; light housekeeping like dishes and laundry; meal preparation; supervision of any siblings-making sure they are fed, dressed and safely occupied and more! I'm also a Certified Lactation Counselor so you get professional help as you adjust to breastfeeding! For parents who are past the first three months with their little one mother's helper services are available. Schedule a few hours to give yourself that much needed break while I provide child care and do light housekeeping, or we can work together to accomplish a task (like cleaning up the toy mess) that has gotten too big to manage. Find more information at aservantsheartpregnancy.weebly.com , Facebook @A Servant's Heart Pregnancy & Parenting, Instagram @aservantsheartparenting Michelle Delp, RN, ICCE, CLC, CD serving Bradford county, Pennsylvania and surrounding areas.